So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
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It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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