wanna go halves on a baby?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
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I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
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With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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