im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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