I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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