You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize