We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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