I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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