remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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