Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All the doctor said was why
Randomize