Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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