I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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