im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize