Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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