I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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