There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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