i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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