I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize