My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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