ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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