A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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