Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
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i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
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You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize