He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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