Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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