I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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