if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
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can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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