then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
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You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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