Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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