Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize