I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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