The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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