Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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