so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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