he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize