i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
