if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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