I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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