I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
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My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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