if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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