Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize