Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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