I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize