I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize