Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
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Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
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Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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