Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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