I hate your face
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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