You can't motorboat a personality
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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