they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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