I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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