idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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