Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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