real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
you made out with another girl for some wings
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