You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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