i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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