I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize